I made my bed, and now I must lie in it!

Archive for the tag “debt”

Feeling resentful

The following feelings are probably going to seem extremely selfish but I can’t help how I feel.

You ever go through the experience of having to go to one event after another for someone? Events that cost you money? I don’t mind going to events once in awhile, but when these events go back to back, and increase in the amount of money that I’ll be expected to spend, I get annoyed. I don’t have anything going on in my life that requires anyone to come to my shit, and I’d rather not go to the expense of going to anyone else’s shit over and over again. Thank you very much! The thing is, if it’s a good friend, and you don’t go, you’re looked at like you’re the bitch. Does anyone really understand the “It’s not in my budget?” reason? They may say they do, but at the end of the day you can just tell they really don’t get it. I find it really hard to deal with people that are frivolous with money when they really shouldn’t be. I don’t feel like I should be around people like that, because in some ways I’m like an addict. I’m addicted to spending money that I don’t have, to fill voids that are bottomless.

The best is when people say “Oh but you don’t have to bring a gift, gifts are not expected”. Oh really now? So let me be the only asshole who doesn’t bring you a gift, and have everyone talk shit. In the end EVERYONE always brings a gift!!!!

I’m going to throw myself a fucking party. I’m due. I haven’t had a party in YEARS. It’ll be called, the “I’m broke and deep in debt, come help me wallow in my sorrows but don’t worry gifts aren’t expected!” party.



Sorry I/We can’t!

That is a phrase that will be used to answer a lot of invites to things. I’ve already begun using it for awhile. The funniest experience I’ve had as of yet was when I went to a birthday dinner with friends, and after dinner my friends decided to go to the casino. I told them I couldn’t go cause I simply could not afford it. I was poked and prodded into going, and finally had to say “Listen, I have a lot of debt, and the casino is the last place I need to be. When our bills came my friend’s boyfriend turns to me and goes “Are you ok?”, and I was like “Ya, why?” and he’s like “No, are you ok to pay your dinner bill!? I can pay it for you”, and I was so shocked and kinda embarrassed. I told him that of course I was ok to pay my bill ,that if I could not have afforded to come I would not have but that I knew going to the casino was a bad idea for me. He wasn’t completely convinced and asked me again if I was sure, and I had to reassure him a few times. While it was sweet and all it took me by surprise that that was his reaction. It made me realize that the journey I’m about to go on is not one that most will understand. That when I say no to certain things people are going to take it personal. I know when I was reading the Dave Ramsey book he warns that not many WILL understand, and that you should not WANT to live a life where you are keeping up with the joneses. I really want to follow his advice, and I know I have to. It’s just so damn hard.

I’d like a new life without debt please. K thanks!

So I’m over this debt bullshit. I’m over the worrying, and the panicking, and the always struggling to pay our bills and the bare minimum on our debts. I’m fucking OVER it.

I’ve been over in my head all my options. Get a new better paying job. Get a 2nd job. File bankruptcy. I need to make a damn decision! Why are these decisions never easy? Oh yes, because they affect your LIFE!!!!

2014 is sure to bring a lot of changes to my life. A big change that’s already happened is having sold our building and therefore not having that huge debt in my name. I love logging into my bank account and not seeing that anymore! I love that it happened at the end of 2013 as that signifies this chapter of my life has been closed and we can start 2014 new and fresh!

I need to be strategic about my planning of a new job. There are a lot of factors I need to consider, and I need to plan accordingly. I hate the waiting game but I can’t be hasty either!

I read the Dave Ramsey book, and although the beginning was like a therapy session into realizing how I got here, and the type of behaviors I need to curb in order to battle this debt, everything else was pretty basic, and like all the other self help books out there. He pretty much tells you that in his intro though…lol! Thankfully I borrowed the book from the library and did not buy it, that would have been a total waste of money. The only thing I’m battling is his “live like no else, so that later you can live like no one else” This I agree with 100% but man is it hard to live like no one else!

Although this blog started off pretty solid, I’ve been slacking and that’s pretty much due to there being zero progress on my end. It IS a miracle however that I’m STILL blogging so I guess that says something. I foresee this becoming a place where I come to bitch and whine, and tell you the little bits of progress I’ve hopefully made. Who am I shitting, that’s what it is now!

Anyhoo, I wish everyone who reads my blog all the very best in the new year. I hope all your dreams, and wishes come true, and if you’re battling that awful little whore called debt, best of luck to ya!


I’m alive!

The reason I haven’t written in over a month is quite simple. My debt repayment plan just sucks…lol! I mean, there is no plan because there’s currently not enough money to pay off more than the minimum. We’ve been struggling to just pay things on time!

I’ve continued my search for new employment, or additional employment but it’s looking like new employment might be the best option. I can’t very well work 7 days a week, that’s just not an option.

You know when life just throws you all sorts of fucked up shit at once? Well it’s my month to benefit from that.

I’m struggling to find way to pay off more than the minimum each month. I need to find extra money somewhere. I’m thinking of cutting down our cable/internet/phone bill. I also just posted a whole bunch of stuff to sell on craigslist. Aside from prostituting myself I’m fresh out of ideas…lol!

I decided that going the consumer proposal or bankruptcy route is not a good option. I’m not sure that there is a good option out there at all!

Reading other blogs where people have been successful is so encouraging but I feel like I will never get there.

Sometimes having a warrantee actually pays off!

Warrantee’s sometimes get a bad rap, but sometimes it sure as hell pays to have one!

Sunday night our washer kicked the bucket. It refused to work, made horrid noises, and because it’s a front loader the door was locked and wouldn’t open. I was beyond pissed, and prayed that the extended warrantee I had taken out on my washer and dryer was still in effect. Thankfully, it was! It’s good until January 2014, talk about down to the wire…lol!

I was able to get a repairman in to see it today, and sure enough, the pump was broken! All parts and labour covered! If we had to pay for that repair….well we couldn’t have! We have nothing saved because of the debt situation we’re in!

That got me to thinking. Dave Ramsey suggests that you save $1000 before you begin any extra debt repayments (but you continue to pay the minimums of course. #1, we hardly HAVE anything extra, and when we do it’s very little. Do you know how long it’ll take us to save that? I see the benefit obviously, if something unexpected happens, we’re covered! #2, I want my debt repayment to start NOW!

So what do I do? Do I take a few months to save an emergency fund, or do I throw caution to the wind, and start paying extra on my debt whenever I can?


So I met with the advisor and have been stressed ever since that meeting. I left there feeling even more down in the dumps than I had felt before. Maybe it’s a “you’re going to feel worse before you feel better” kinda thing but either way it sucked. I got into my car and could literally have cried for days but the tears never came.

What came was PANIC. How the fuck am I gonna do this?

The advisor was amazing! I’m not sure what I thought might happen in there. Maybe judgement? There was none of that at all. There was actually sympathy! She compared 2 scenarios to me, I guess the only 2 that made sense in my situation. Since I had done a lot of research I knew a lot of info before going in, but what I wasn’t sure on what the calculations! Well ladies and gentlemen, now I know! LOL!

She had to compare bankruptcy to consumer proposal since you need to offer more money in a consumer proposal than you would repay in a bankruptcy. I did not know that! So basically, after giving her all my salary and debt info she figured out that I would have to pay around $18,000 (or $360.00/month) for a bankruptcy, and therefore would have to at least offer $20,000.00 for a consumer proposal. (which is $350/month) You repay that monthly amount for 5 years.

The bad news? Each is almost just as bad on your credit score. Bankruptcy is a R9 and a consumer proposal is a R7.

At this point I’m paying $720/month on my debt. If I were to do a consumer proposal (I’ve decided against bankruptcy) that means my debt is cut in half.

Pros? My debt is cut in half!

Cons? I have no credit, and will not have any for 5+ years.

My question to myself is, can I do this myself? If I get a better paying job, I could very well bring in $300.00-$400.00 more a month that could be put on my debt.

I need advice. I need tips. I’ve been reading a lot about Dave Ramsey and actually reserved his book at the library (The Total Money Makeover). A quote I read of his makes perfect sense: “If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.”

It makes perfect sense, and that is my goal!

Tomorrow is the big day!

So at around 6:00pm tomorrow I’m meeting with a financial advisor to go over all my options. I’m a little nervous, and have spent the last little bit writing down my updated debts.

To give you a brief update my current total debt include credit cards, loans, store cards, mortgage and car is $396,256.74. My total debt back in July was $398,059.78.

This means that my total debt repayment was only 1803.04!!! What the HELL?!! I don’t feel as if I’ve added to any debts because my credit cards are pretty much maxed but I suppose the interest is killing it. 

I’m excited about the appointment but I’m also scared because whatever option I choose obviously has consequences. Ones that I’ll have to live with!

Wish me luck!




So I’m feeling kinda stressed lately with my debt. I mean, I’m always stressed about it but lately it’s been hard. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We’re barely making ends meet, and that’s us just paying the minimums which is all we can afford to pay. The only way that we’ll be able to pay more is if I work 7 days a week or I get a better paying job. Even then I’ll only be bringing in an extra $300-$400 extra. I’m not sure what to do but I think I need to sit down with a financial advisor and discuss options. It’s not manageable anymore and it seems to be getting worse. The last thing I want is to file bankruptcy and I know there are other options besides that so I need to look into what they are. Most of all, I see how this is affecting my health, stress wise I’m probably at my worst. I mean, it’s almost 3 o’clock in the fucking morning and I’m still awake!

Anyhow, I wish I had an update that was good news, but quite frankly our financial situation is quite grim. My bank account is actually in overdraft until payday which is 2 weeks from now . Lovely!

Same shit, different day!

The title speaks for itself….lol! My debts are no better, and I’m always left wondering where the fuck my money goes!? We always need something, like actual necessities! I need to cut stuff out somehow or lower my bills significantly. I’ll make that my goal for this week, to try and cut my phone/internet/cable bill by a lot or threaten to go elsewhere. 😉 (Since there are no longer contracts here it’s so easy to threaten).


In other news I heard back regarding that position. They decided to go with someone a little more junior so they wouldn’t have to pay as much. First off, the agency posted the salary that was being offered and if that wasn’t what the employer wanted to pay, they should not have posted it and wasted anyone’s time! It’s better off anyways since I know what I’m worth and I’m not accepting any less!

I have to admit that lately my anxiety has been through the roof. Between trying to sell this building (which I doubt will sell before the winter hits) and dealing with work and health issues I’m left feeling exhausted. I have an appointment with my gastroenterologist tomorrow (I meet with her every few months regarding my colitis) and I have to bring up to her how exhausted I am. I’ve read that this can be due to the disease, but this is ridiculous. I have always been a night owl, but my insomnia has gotten worse. Even still, I used to be able to function and do things. Now In just feel run down and exhausted even after the littlest thing. I know that stress makes my condition worse but it’s hard to be stress free when you are fucking stressed! LOL!

Anyways, enough about my ailments. This isn’t a health blog! 😛

Hope everyone is doing well, and I’m now off to read about all your progress since I have none of my own. 😉



No news is good news?

So I haven’t heard back from the agency. I even sent them a follow up on Tuesday night so they’d receive it by Wednesday morning. He had mentioned that the company would make up their mind early this week….and well tomorrow is Friday! He has not responded to my e-mail, and I feel like that’s either incredibly rude of him, or that he is under negotiations with the company about me and that he only wants to answer once he knows for sure. I mean, if it was a flat out no, I’d hope he’d have the balls to just come out and say so!


In other news, my daughter started kindergarten today. Last year she was on pre-k so this year wasn’t as emotional to me. Although, she is going to an elementary school that I went to when I was her age so it’s very sentimental! She even has the possibility of having my kindergarten teacher who is still there! Unfortunately what isn’t fun about school is the back to school shopping!! This week I had to go through all my daughter’s clothes so I could figure out what she needs. Well she needs quite a bit! Thankfully Old Navy is having a 30% off everything in the store so I picked up a few things there. Anything to save money at this point is a good thing. These are things that I can’t scrimp on though and that just really sucks for my wallet.


I kinda fell off the wagon when it came to not using my credit cards. I just had to because of all this stuff she needs but after this I’ll go back to not using them.


I just feel like I’m kinda in a rut when it comes to debt repayment, like it’s taking so damn long to see any kind of results. Sure goes by slowly when you’re trying to save and pay off debt but it goes really fast when you’re spending…..

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