indebted2debt

I made my bed, and now I must lie in it!

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Shoulda known!

Hey there, it’s been awhile. I wish I could say that debt repayment has been going well, but sadly it hasn’t! We moved which cost me $1000, only to find out that we moved into a carpenter ant infested hell hole! We’re talking a HUGE nest INSIDE the damn house. Yep. My luck! so now I’m faced with the decision of if we’ll be moving out of here. The landlord did call an exterminator but I’m really upset that I was not notified before moving in, and having experience with this kind of thing, I know how persistent this problem can be, and I’m not sure I want to live that way.

In other news, I learned a valuable lesson this week. Not everyone will be so sympathetic when you tell them that no, you cannot afford to attend an event. I was made to feel bad, and given major attitude. I remained polite, and tried to explain my situation (even though I don’t owe anyone an explanation) but really all it was made about was that person, and they never once took my feelings or situation into account. This is why in the past I’d accept all invites, charge it, and worry later. I don’t have that luxury now, I don’t have room on my cards, and even if I did, I can’t afford the minimums as it is.

Made me realize who my real friends are. Sadly, I don’t think I have many.

Feeling resentful


The following feelings are probably going to seem extremely selfish but I can’t help how I feel.

You ever go through the experience of having to go to one event after another for someone? Events that cost you money? I don’t mind going to events once in awhile, but when these events go back to back, and increase in the amount of money that I’ll be expected to spend, I get annoyed. I don’t have anything going on in my life that requires anyone to come to my shit, and I’d rather not go to the expense of going to anyone else’s shit over and over again. Thank you very much! The thing is, if it’s a good friend, and you don’t go, you’re looked at like you’re the bitch. Does anyone really understand the “It’s not in my budget?” reason? They may say they do, but at the end of the day you can just tell they really don’t get it. I find it really hard to deal with people that are frivolous with money when they really shouldn’t be. I don’t feel like I should be around people like that, because in some ways I’m like an addict. I’m addicted to spending money that I don’t have, to fill voids that are bottomless.

The best is when people say “Oh but you don’t have to bring a gift, gifts are not expected”. Oh really now? So let me be the only asshole who doesn’t bring you a gift, and have everyone talk shit. In the end EVERYONE always brings a gift!!!!

I’m going to throw myself a fucking party. I’m due. I haven’t had a party in YEARS. It’ll be called, the “I’m broke and deep in debt, come help me wallow in my sorrows but don’t worry gifts aren’t expected!” party.

🙂

We’re moving!

Since we sold out building back in December we knew that we’d be moving July 1st. (Which is considered moving day here, even though a lot of people do move year round) but I was stressing over actually finding a place that # 1: Is nice and clean and fits all of us, and that #2: Allows animals, and finally #3: is affordable.

The affordable factor was much harder to deal with since rents have gone up SO MUCH! We finally did find a place that we fell in love with, the rent is more than what we are paying now but we can make it work, and for what we are getting and the area it’s in, it’s actually not bad at all.

With moving comes other costs though. Like general moving costs! We are planning on renting a U Haul and bribing our friends to come and help us. We have never hired movers, but I know people that have and that has set them back hundreds! Then there’s the costs of paint, cleaning supplies, and all the other little things that come up.

Do any of you have any tips for us to save some money?

Sorry I/We can’t!

That is a phrase that will be used to answer a lot of invites to things. I’ve already begun using it for awhile. The funniest experience I’ve had as of yet was when I went to a birthday dinner with friends, and after dinner my friends decided to go to the casino. I told them I couldn’t go cause I simply could not afford it. I was poked and prodded into going, and finally had to say “Listen, I have a lot of debt, and the casino is the last place I need to be. When our bills came my friend’s boyfriend turns to me and goes “Are you ok?”, and I was like “Ya, why?” and he’s like “No, are you ok to pay your dinner bill!? I can pay it for you”, and I was so shocked and kinda embarrassed. I told him that of course I was ok to pay my bill ,that if I could not have afforded to come I would not have but that I knew going to the casino was a bad idea for me. He wasn’t completely convinced and asked me again if I was sure, and I had to reassure him a few times. While it was sweet and all it took me by surprise that that was his reaction. It made me realize that the journey I’m about to go on is not one that most will understand. That when I say no to certain things people are going to take it personal. I know when I was reading the Dave Ramsey book he warns that not many WILL understand, and that you should not WANT to live a life where you are keeping up with the joneses. I really want to follow his advice, and I know I have to. It’s just so damn hard.

I’d like a new life without debt please. K thanks!

So I’m over this debt bullshit. I’m over the worrying, and the panicking, and the always struggling to pay our bills and the bare minimum on our debts. I’m fucking OVER it.

I’ve been over in my head all my options. Get a new better paying job. Get a 2nd job. File bankruptcy. I need to make a damn decision! Why are these decisions never easy? Oh yes, because they affect your LIFE!!!!

2014 is sure to bring a lot of changes to my life. A big change that’s already happened is having sold our building and therefore not having that huge debt in my name. I love logging into my bank account and not seeing that anymore! I love that it happened at the end of 2013 as that signifies this chapter of my life has been closed and we can start 2014 new and fresh!

I need to be strategic about my planning of a new job. There are a lot of factors I need to consider, and I need to plan accordingly. I hate the waiting game but I can’t be hasty either!

I read the Dave Ramsey book, and although the beginning was like a therapy session into realizing how I got here, and the type of behaviors I need to curb in order to battle this debt, everything else was pretty basic, and like all the other self help books out there. He pretty much tells you that in his intro though…lol! Thankfully I borrowed the book from the library and did not buy it, that would have been a total waste of money. The only thing I’m battling is his “live like no else, so that later you can live like no one else” This I agree with 100% but man is it hard to live like no one else!

Although this blog started off pretty solid, I’ve been slacking and that’s pretty much due to there being zero progress on my end. It IS a miracle however that I’m STILL blogging so I guess that says something. I foresee this becoming a place where I come to bitch and whine, and tell you the little bits of progress I’ve hopefully made. Who am I shitting, that’s what it is now!

Anyhoo, I wish everyone who reads my blog all the very best in the new year. I hope all your dreams, and wishes come true, and if you’re battling that awful little whore called debt, best of luck to ya!

 

Sold!

After a long and very painful homeowners experience, we have FINALLY sold this duplex! We go to the notary on Dec 13, and I could not be happier! The things I have learned being a homeowner are:

1. I don’t think I ever want to own a home again. What it did to my credit score was shocking, albeit I do have other debts, this one made me even more of a risk in any lenders eyes. Also, if you don’t have a lot of savings owning a home is a bad idea. Anything can happen, and it’s much better already being prepared than charging it! I don’t want to be prepared for disasters, I want my landlord to take care of all that shit…lol!

2. Going into anything that involves a lot of money with family poses huge risks! I thought nothing could come between me and my family. WRONG! True colors come out. Sadly, I learned what my family really thought about me (and my mom) and now they haven’t spoken to us in over 3 years. This is going to be a really fun notary meeting! 😉 The plus side, they must have been this evil the whole time, and I don’t need that kinda “family”. I’d much rather have the kind that can be real, and HONEST!

3. Some agents are real bitches/assholes. I really don’t like mine, but hey, she sold my place so at the end of the day I really couldn’t care less anymore…lol!

 

In other news, I started reading Dave Ramsey’s “The Total Money Makeover”, and I’m almost halfway though. The thing I like about the beginning of the book is that it’s like a little therapy session debunking every myth and thought you may have had about debt. My big one? Keeping up with the Joneses. Always seeing what others have and what they can do. I need to stop caring, and really start living like no one else, so that later I can live like no one else. 😉 It’s so true. Why do we even care? Why am I sabotaging my own progress? It made me start to realize that I really need to cut some serious shit out of my life and as much as that scares me, it excites me at the same time because it makes me realize that at that point I’ll be one step closer to paying off my debt.

I’m off to read more of his wisdom, and will check in soon! 🙂

I’m alive!

The reason I haven’t written in over a month is quite simple. My debt repayment plan just sucks…lol! I mean, there is no plan because there’s currently not enough money to pay off more than the minimum. We’ve been struggling to just pay things on time!

I’ve continued my search for new employment, or additional employment but it’s looking like new employment might be the best option. I can’t very well work 7 days a week, that’s just not an option.

You know when life just throws you all sorts of fucked up shit at once? Well it’s my month to benefit from that.

I’m struggling to find way to pay off more than the minimum each month. I need to find extra money somewhere. I’m thinking of cutting down our cable/internet/phone bill. I also just posted a whole bunch of stuff to sell on craigslist. Aside from prostituting myself I’m fresh out of ideas…lol!

I decided that going the consumer proposal or bankruptcy route is not a good option. I’m not sure that there is a good option out there at all!

Reading other blogs where people have been successful is so encouraging but I feel like I will never get there.

Sometimes having a warrantee actually pays off!

Warrantee’s sometimes get a bad rap, but sometimes it sure as hell pays to have one!

Sunday night our washer kicked the bucket. It refused to work, made horrid noises, and because it’s a front loader the door was locked and wouldn’t open. I was beyond pissed, and prayed that the extended warrantee I had taken out on my washer and dryer was still in effect. Thankfully, it was! It’s good until January 2014, talk about down to the wire…lol!

I was able to get a repairman in to see it today, and sure enough, the pump was broken! All parts and labour covered! If we had to pay for that repair….well we couldn’t have! We have nothing saved because of the debt situation we’re in!

That got me to thinking. Dave Ramsey suggests that you save $1000 before you begin any extra debt repayments (but you continue to pay the minimums of course. #1, we hardly HAVE anything extra, and when we do it’s very little. Do you know how long it’ll take us to save that? I see the benefit obviously, if something unexpected happens, we’re covered! #2, I want my debt repayment to start NOW!

So what do I do? Do I take a few months to save an emergency fund, or do I throw caution to the wind, and start paying extra on my debt whenever I can?

Gah!

So I met with the advisor and have been stressed ever since that meeting. I left there feeling even more down in the dumps than I had felt before. Maybe it’s a “you’re going to feel worse before you feel better” kinda thing but either way it sucked. I got into my car and could literally have cried for days but the tears never came.

What came was PANIC. How the fuck am I gonna do this?

The advisor was amazing! I’m not sure what I thought might happen in there. Maybe judgement? There was none of that at all. There was actually sympathy! She compared 2 scenarios to me, I guess the only 2 that made sense in my situation. Since I had done a lot of research I knew a lot of info before going in, but what I wasn’t sure on what the calculations! Well ladies and gentlemen, now I know! LOL!

She had to compare bankruptcy to consumer proposal since you need to offer more money in a consumer proposal than you would repay in a bankruptcy. I did not know that! So basically, after giving her all my salary and debt info she figured out that I would have to pay around $18,000 (or $360.00/month) for a bankruptcy, and therefore would have to at least offer $20,000.00 for a consumer proposal. (which is $350/month) You repay that monthly amount for 5 years.

The bad news? Each is almost just as bad on your credit score. Bankruptcy is a R9 and a consumer proposal is a R7.

At this point I’m paying $720/month on my debt. If I were to do a consumer proposal (I’ve decided against bankruptcy) that means my debt is cut in half.

Pros? My debt is cut in half!

Cons? I have no credit, and will not have any for 5+ years.

My question to myself is, can I do this myself? If I get a better paying job, I could very well bring in $300.00-$400.00 more a month that could be put on my debt.

I need advice. I need tips. I’ve been reading a lot about Dave Ramsey and actually reserved his book at the library (The Total Money Makeover). A quote I read of his makes perfect sense: “If you will live like no one else, later you can live like no one else.”

It makes perfect sense, and that is my goal!

Tomorrow is the big day!

So at around 6:00pm tomorrow I’m meeting with a financial advisor to go over all my options. I’m a little nervous, and have spent the last little bit writing down my updated debts.

To give you a brief update my current total debt include credit cards, loans, store cards, mortgage and car is $396,256.74. My total debt back in July was $398,059.78.

This means that my total debt repayment was only 1803.04!!! What the HELL?!! I don’t feel as if I’ve added to any debts because my credit cards are pretty much maxed but I suppose the interest is killing it. 

I’m excited about the appointment but I’m also scared because whatever option I choose obviously has consequences. Ones that I’ll have to live with!

Wish me luck!

 

 

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